What does it mean to be Gender non-conforming?
Being gender nonconforming (GNC)means that a person's gender expression doesn't match what society expects based on their assigned sex at birth. GNC individuals may express themselves in various ways that challenge traditional gender norms for example;
Clothing
Hairstyle
Interests and Activities
Social Roles
What does non-binary mean, and what’s the right way to talk about it?
Non-binary is a term for genders outside the traditional male and female binary. Non-binary people may identify as a mix of both, neither, a different gender, or no gender at all.
When discussing non-binary identities, it's important to use respectful language and to listen to how individuals describe their own gender identity. Here are some general guidelines:
Respect Pronouns: Use the pronouns that an individual prefers. Some non-binary people use "they/them" pronouns, while others may use other pronouns depending on the community one is from.
Respect Names: Use the name that a non-binary person has chosen for themselves, even if it differs from the name they were given at birth.
Avoid Assumptions: Don't assume someone's gender identity based on their appearance or the way they express themselves. Allow individuals to self-identify.
Ask and Listen: If you're unsure how someone identifies, it's okay to politely ask for their pronouns or how they'd like to be addressed.
Educate Yourself: Take the initiative to learn more about non-binary identities and the experiences of non-binary people. Respect their experiences.
Note;
If you say the wrong thing by accident (which happens sometimes to most people), just apologize.
If you want to find out more about the experiences of some GNC & non-binary people, you can hear them in their own words from resources online such as youtube, Facebook, TikTok (#human_ke)
Nonbinary identities fall under the transgender umbrella, since nonbinary people typically identify with a gender that is different from their assigned sex, though some nonbinary individuals do not consider themselves transgender due to the widespread historical understanding of transgender as moving between the binary genders of man and woman.
It may take a bit of getting used to, but it causes you no harm and it will make that person feel acknowledged and valid. It’s not that long ago that some people struggled with accepting that some women wanted to be called ms instead of miss, but we got used to the common courtesy of simply asking people how they wanted to be addressed. This is no different.
What’s the situation like for GNC & Non-Binary people in Kenya?
Can you be Gender Non Conforming and identify as gay or lesbian?
All this feels complicated and I’m frightened of saying the wrong thing
Understanding gender identity issues can be confusing at first. Nobody is expecting you to know everything right away and it’s ok to ask questions if the person you’re talking to is happy to answer them. Some G.N.C & non-binary people feel comfortable discussing their identity, some people don’t. If you want to find out more about the experiences of some GNC & non-binary people, you can hear them in their own words from resources online such as youtube, facebook, tiktok and tumblr.
If you say the wrong thing by accident (which happens sometimes to most people), just apologize. Recognize you’ve got it wrong and move on. We’re all human and people slip up sometimes. As long as you have good intentions, most trans* and intersex people will appreciate you acknowledging your blunder and help you get it right. for cis-gender people who may not understand identity issues, it is a stepping stone for them to learn. Also remember it’s a journey and no one is perfect.
Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB):
Refers to a person whose sex assignment at birth was “female”, often based on a person’s genitals. Sometimes “C” is added to “AFAB” to mean “Coercively Assigned Female at Birth (CAFAB)”, since people do not have a say on the sex they are assigned at birth.
Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB):
Refers to a person whose sex assignment at birth was “male”, often based on a person’s genitals. Sometimes “C” is added to “AMAB” to mean “Coercively Assigned Male at Birth (CAMAB)”, since people do not have a say on the sex they are assigned at birth.
In cases when it’s necessary to refer to the birth-assigned sex of a transgender or a nonbinary person, referring to them as AFAB or AMAB as opposed to “biological male/female” or “male-bodied/female-bodied”, is the best way to do it.
Enbyphobia:
Irrational fear, discomfort, distrust, prejudice or hatred directed towards nonbinary people or nonbinary concepts. The term comes from abbreviation of the word “nonbinary (NB)”, and “phobia” which refers to an irrational fear of something that’s unlikely to cause harm .
Enbyphobia might display itself as intentional refusal to acknowledge the existence of nonbinary people in history, law and policy, social spaces etc; arguing that being nonbinary is not a real thing but a trend and an attention-seeking ploy by today’s younger generation; telling nonbinary people to pick a side/binary gender; respecting only nonbinary people who present androgynously while disregarding those who are more feminine or masculine; refusing to use gender-neutral pronouns like ‘they’ even when corrected; and harassment and assault.
Pronoun use:
Words that people use to refer to others in place of their names. “He/him/his” and “she/her/hers” are the most commonly used pronouns in the English language, however there are other pronouns such as “they/them”.
“They” is a gender-neutral pronoun used in the singular to refer to an individual in a way that is not gendered, hence is it used by most nonbinary people because it affirms them. However, not all nonbinary people use “they”. Some use “he/him” and “she/her”. Some use neopronouns (new pronouns), such as “xe/xem/xyr”, “ze/hir/hirs” and “ey/em/eir”. Some prefer to use only their name and not use pronouns at all.
Mx (frequently pronounced “mix”):
Is a gender-neutral title used to refer to an individual in a way that is not gendered. For example, instead of referring to a nonbinary person as Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mr Jay, you could refer to them as Mx Jay.
Pronouns are important because by using a person’s pronouns correctly, other people are showing them respect and forming an inclusive environment for everyone to show up as their true selves.
When not sure about which pronouns to use, it is better to ask than to assume to avoid mis-gendering (see definition below) people.
Misgendering:
Misgendering occurs when you intentionally or unintentionally refer to a person, relate to a person, or use language to describe a person that doesn’t align with their gender.
Examples of misgendering nonbinary persons include;
Using the wrong pronouns for someone, such as referring to a nonbinary person with “he” or “she” pronouns, even after they have indicated that they use “they” exclusively.
Using gendered language to refer to someone which doesn’t align with their gender identity, such as referring to a nonbinary person as a “woman/man”, “sister/brother”, “wife/husband”, or any other gendered noun even after they have indicated that they are not comfortable referred to as such.
Using gendered language to refer to a group of people which doesn’t align with one or more of the group’s gender identities, such as referring to a group as ‘ladies’ when a man or non-binary person is in the group .
Indicating that you do not believe that someone is the gender they say they are, for example, not allowing a nonbinary person into a nonbinary-inclusive space because you do not believe that they are nonbinary.
Assigning someone to a gendered category which does not align with their gender identity, such as marking a non-binary person as male or female on a form, or dividing a group according to gender identity and assigning someone to a group that doesn’t match their gender identity.
For most people, their gender is an important part of their identity and sense of self, hence being misgendered can be distressing, particularly when it happens regularly and/or intentionally. It can feel as though others do not respect you, and you cannot be your whole, authentic self with others.